


Never Mine

by orphan_account



Series: Never Mine [1]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Death, Discrimination, F/M, Implied/Referenced Sexual Harassment, Nightmares, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-26
Updated: 2020-07-17
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:27:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 19,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24385816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Aurora like much of the Abyss is left to rot. Though she is haunted by someone that could not be her.
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Original Female Character(s)
Series: Never Mine [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1760866
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18





	1. An Abandoned House

**Author's Note:**

> I am sorry if I do any of this incorrectly. I have never posted something here before. I will add characters as they appear and tags as things move forward. I am not a good writer and I am sorry. My thoughts are very disorganized. Truthfully I was possessed to write because Fire Emblem has consumed my life.  
> A lot of my oc comes from different ideas and interviews the creators had, or things I wanted to be explored. I like Byleth but I feel because they are the player character they have to be very blank and are easily projected on. Most of the turmoil of Aurora comes from being a previous vessel of the Goddess. And BIG SPOILERS the creators once said in an interview they toyed with the idea that Edelgard would have similar powers as Byleth because of the Crest of Flames. I took that in the direction that Edelgard got her second crest from someone. As in someone had to lose theirs, which would be my oc.  
> A lot of this writing comes from my own trauma, so sorry in advance. I am not really expecting anyone to read this. Also my idea as I go into this is to pair her with Dimitri. So if you are hoping for a different pairing I am sorry.

For as long as I could remember I only wished that I could cry out. In rage, pain, frustration, and helplessness. Only to know the absurd truth. That to cry out would leave me lonely. If I were to scream and no one came that I would only feel my isolation grow. The knowledge that the stars and moon feel nothing for me as I weep does not bring me comfort as the poets describe.

To yell into the void and have all your words and memories and personhood swallowed up by complete and utter indifference. It does make you feel small, that much is true. Yet I have never felt small enough. I have always been too big. My guilt and suffering have always taken up too much room. No matter how invisible and paper-thin I pushed myself to be. I was always too big. 

To be told that I don’t need to mold myself into a different shape is a sweet lie. Though they never intended it to be. They wish for me to bare myself to them. Only I find them no different than the stars. No matter what words I use they don’t understand. Though in their eyes they hold me with such reverence. 

If I were to abandon what had happened to me I don’t know who I would be. When I am told to be myself, there is nothing else I can be. I am myself. It is just not enough. I need to be more of something. Some say they care for me and I believe it so. I have been loved all my life and that never stopped those who loved me from hurting me. 

I was loved when she told me I had no reason to cry. I was loved even as she locked me in the darkness. I was loved as he told me women were to be seen and not heard. I was loved even as he tried to kill me. 

If you are ever to love me you have to love my suffering. Hold it close and dear and important. Even when one shouldn’t. I am no woman. A collection of ghosts haunting my body. Those who snarled and spat at those pieces of me, I have never felt loved by you. Though you might have loved me. 

—

I have always thought of myself as an awkward girl. Not the way heroines are talked of in stories. Not in the ways men find charming. I had few friends in the underground of the Abyss. Yuri was the closest thing to a companion. Though he often touched me more than I desired and poked fun at sensitive spots in my ego. He was gone enough that his overfamiliarity didn’t sour. 

I had lived in the darkness for as long as I could remember, yet I knew whoever I was had been fairly recent. My body felt unimaginably old. Similar to what some would call a haunted house. Memories were the closest thing I could compare it to though it feels inaccurate.

My reflection has never felt right. My deep-set gloomy green had long belonged to someone else. Even if I was born with them they had never been mine. The girl who stared at me was a stranger. Though not for lack of trying. When I cut my hair it felt like an insult to claim such autonomy. Even in telling myself that shoulder-length was practical and feminine the words fell hollow. Even as I liked how it looked it did not feel like mine. 

I would have long torturous dreams of war, battle, and revolution. The air filled with the sounds of a crackling fire. Sometimes of short breath running in the field with my family away from some force I could never see. As my mother screamed for mercy. Others I would be in the darkness the feeling of my flesh being ripped and pulled away from me. I could only see the glint in their eyes and hear their dark muttering. 

I always ended up dying. Pierced through the heart and begging for death at the hands of the divine. My breath heavy and burning, as my father held me under the river. The girl who cried into the night as she was told my death was her destiny. Death was nothing until I gasped for air and my eyes met with the cold stone ceiling. 

—

My life as Aurora did not truly begin until the day I left the Abyss. In retrospect some would call it destiny. At the time I considered it desperation. 

A new year was going to begin and I had never seen the sky. Yuri had been gone a full moon and the library did not have any tomes I had not already read. The familiar was safe but it was also lonely. The same dark walls and corridors grew stale. Unlike many people there I had nothing keeping me within the Abyss besides my own fear. Stories told to me by Yuri and other traveling merchants. 

So I stepped outside, somewhere below Garreg Mach. As I could gaze up at it, sitting atop a steep mountainside, from where I emerged. Thankful not to appear on the monastery grounds. I could circle around and observe the surface with ease. Only I had greatly underestimated the amount of walking I would have to do. Mercifully the road was pleasantly shaded by trees. The fresh air and green surroundings filled me with such a surge of energy and a sense of freedom. It was truly beautiful in comparison to the underground.

It was sunset by the time I reached a village outside of the monastery. Though I had wished to spend my few pieces of gold at the market I chose to stay the night at an inn. Feeling some dread and unease I tried to push it down and think of how far I had already come.


	2. Destiny at Daybreak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aurora finds herself in the village of Remire.

I learned this place was called Remire. A small village surrounded by farmland. Sitting comfortably at the edge of the mountains leading up to the monastery. The children looked dirty but happy. Faces smiling as they chased each other down the road with sticks. The Inn had a metal sign hung above the door. “The Catch; Tavern and Inn” It bore a simple illustration, an engraved fox biting at its own limb as its paw was caught in a hunters trap. Yuri’s words echoed in my mind. By any means necessary. If the worst that was in this building were like him and others of the Abyss than I could handle it. 

My left hand gripped the pommel of my rapier that sat at my waist as I opened the door. The smell of stale beer and fire. My hand relaxed as I took in the clientele, mercenaries, and a few farmers. None even lifted their heads at my arrival, wrapped up in their stories and drink. Shaking with adrenaline I walked up to the barkeep. How gave me an amused smile. “What can I do for ya young lady?” I looked towards his hands on the bar out of habit as I spoke, “Do you have a room I could use for the night?” His gray beard brushed against the wood as he nodded, “If you’ve got the coin, I’d be happy to give ya a room.”  
After being given a small brass key for my room I turned and met one of the mercenary’s eyes. A strong brow furrowed in quiet consideration until he looked back towards his companions. I did not recognize his dirty blonde hair shaved on the sides. He seemed middle-aged and like he had lived a tough life, a few scars littering his face. Glancing down at my own appearance perhaps he thought me a student. I wore the uniform of the Ashen Wolves, which could be easily mistaken as someone attending the Officers Academy. 

I did not wish to linger long in the presence of strangers, but before I retired to my room I asked the barkeep if he had any book to read. He offered me Bane Of The Forest. Which was a novel I had not encountered before and happily took with the promise to return it to him in the morning. Though he did not seem too interested in my assurance. 

-

Perhaps it was due to the unfamiliar surroundings and sounds but I tossed and turned restlessly. Not even the novel lulled me to sleep. I had given up on resting and succumbed to a sleepless night halfway through my borrowed book when I heard frantic and loud movement from below. Voices I did not recognize but I did register the words, “They say there is a group of bandits headed our way!” 

My heart leaped into my throat. I quickly dressed and grabbed my few belongings, a bag for my coin, and my rapier on the nightstand. Leaving the book on the bed. My hands shook as I closed the door behind me and I crept down the hallway. In the darkness, I saw the mercenaries all geared up and heading out the front door. In my fear, I thought that it would be best to attempt to escape this village. These men looked strong enough to handle some bandits. Then I remembered the children who called this their home. I could not gamble on them. I knew how to use a sword and had fought bandits many times before, though I despised it. Taking in a deep breath I resolved myself to help as I mumbled, “Divine grant me bravery.” 

-

The village was covered in darkness, though there were places where torches illuminated some details. The Inn faced the road which was all that separated it from the forest. Where I gathered the bandits would be coming from. That middle-aged man, who had looked at me when I arrived, was now speaking to three young people who’s backs were to me. They looked like they were from the Officers Academy by their slightly similar yet distinctive outfits and brightly colored capes. It reminded me of what Yuri wore. I desperately did not wish to be seen by them and be mistaken as a student. As I attempted to sneak away before being noticed the older mercenary eyes landed on me with a piercing gaze. Speaking to those in front of him but loud enough for me to hear, “Is this one of yours as well?” I froze as all three turned to give me a curious look. 

A girl with long white hair and pale skin looked at me with neither disdain nor affection. Her posture confident and her eyes evaluating, with an air of nobility in her well-put-together appearance. I could tell just from her commanding presence that I did not wish to give her a bad impression. Something about her felt familiar, though that was impossible.

In the center was a tall young man with fair short hair. Some of his bangs hung in his face. His demeanor was to hold me in polite curiosity. Looking over me with no sign of recognition but hopeful at the sight of my sword. He too held himself with a degree of nobility though less commanding. Seemingly the least disrupted by my intrusion. 

The final figure faced me with a bright smile. Tan skin and dark brown hair pushed up and away from his face, with the exception of one small braid. My stomach dropped a friendly appearance that didn’t match his eyes, like Yuri. Instead of cockiness, he beheld me with hungry novelty. I knew he would be the hardest to shake off. 

The young man in blue spoke first slightly stilted, “I’m afraid I don’t recognize her. Perhaps she is from one of your houses?” The girl in red pushed some of her hair behind her as she examined me, “I have never seen her before.” Raising his eyebrows the boy in gold took a step closer and shook his head, “Neither have I. Which begs the question, where did you get that uniform?” 

Still processing I bowed as I silently panicked and tried to think of way out of this. I hate being around strangers. My voice came out unsteady, “Forgive me for the confusion. I am not a student at the Officers Academy. I just heard there are bandits and thought I could lend my sword.” I placed my hand on the pommel and swept my eyes downwards. The mercenary narrowed his gaze and nodded, “Fair enough kid.” He turned and called to his men, “Let’s take care of these thieves before they overrun the village.”


	3. No Longer a Stranger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aurora meets three students of the Officers Academy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgive me for how long this took. As you can see this chapter is much longer.

The fight did not last long with the experienced mercenaries and the surprising amount of competence these three students showed. This battle was not challenging so I was focused on learning about these strangers. As I took note of my enemies and ally's fighting styles a few things caught my attention. 

Golden boy was an archer, which was useful because it seemed all these mercenaries fought hand to hand. His eyes darted around the battlefield soaking up all the information possible. Those less mindful would be overwhelmed or simply lose track and yet he never did. He lingered in the back taking skillful shots and using other distractions to his advantage. Even if it was possible to hit an ally he took the shot and didn’t miss. From what I could tell he liked to gamble. Yet he himself was out of danger which meant his instincts are probably what keeps him alive. 

For how polite and gentlemanly that young man in blue had seemed, there was a different side of him as he tore his way forward. I had never encountered someone I would call a force of nature in battle until I saw him wield that lance. Unlike his allies, he didn’t seem to understand the value of using openings or taking advantage of an enemy’s weakness. He simply moved forward taking blows and returning them in kind. Either he was unskilled, which could not be true as he was well-practiced, or he had a death wish. 

The girl in red wielded an ax, a weapon that needed considerable strength. Though she was small and feminine she hid a sizable punch behind her blows. Enough to knock grown men to their knees. She compelled openings against her foe and forced them to fight at her pace. In fact, I’d guess many of the bandits had underestimated her ability and thought her easy prey, only to meet death at the end of her blade. 

Believing things had calmed down my allies put down their weapons, even as I clung to my blade out of habit. The intimidating young woman’s eyes scanned the tree line perhaps thinking the same as me, whatever those bandits were after they hadn’t gotten and they could be waiting for an opportunity to strike. As the mercenaries searched the bodies and treated wounds the students approached. 

In this moment I wished I had better control of my reactions as I did not want to offend these people but felt myself withdraw. Sword still at my side as my gaze turned away. Yuri had teased me that I was awful at lying and social posturing. And though I was aware of it there wasn’t much I felt I could do, and it hadn’t truly mattered in the Abyss. Hopefully, my visible discomfort at even being addressed would push them away. 

“I appreciate your help back there your skill is beyond question.” The authority with which this girl spoke made me hold my tongue, that much I could do. I bowed my head in recognition and deference. Afraid that I had drawn too much attention. She gave me a curious look as if waiting for me before the young man in gold spoke up, “You are coming with us to the monastery right?” Unlike his companion, he left no room for me to answer his question, “Of course you are. I’d love to bend your ear as we travel.” Before I could find my voice there was a shift in the brush behind them. 

The phenomenon that happened at that moment I can only describe as an echo, only forward. The ghost of a man rushing up behind the three and impaling the girl’s head with his ax before the other two reacted. Her limp body falling to the ground and the life leaving her eyes. 

Seeing the omen I pushed her to the ground, hoping whoever she was she’d forgive me for the undignified treatment. Bringing my blade to meet his ax. My own sword digging into the soft flesh of my lips and palm from the force this bandit came down on me. I could taste blood as I thrust towards his wrist cutting open the skin. Giving a surprised and painful scream he dropped his weapon. Mercenaries quickly flanked and restrained him. 

I staggered away holding my palm to my mouth. Fresh blood dripped down my arm and stained my clothes. It was a simple injury I could heal from but the experience of some kind of prophecy had my mind spinning and my breath coming out short and shallow. 

Glancing the girl stared wide-eyed at me in shock as the boy in blue offered his hand to help her up. Gold approached me slowly turning his head back and calling out, “Any healers? She’s losing blood.” As fuzzy as my head was I shook it in defiance. I was ensnared in a trap that wasn’t made for me and I’d rather bite at my limbs than be indebted to these strangers. Like a caged animal everything was a danger no matter how it smiled at me. 

The older mercenary stepped forward, commanding, “Give her space.” Shame like cold water ran threw me as he placed a balm to my wound. It must have been enchanted with magic as blood no longer ran down my chin. I winced at the sting, tears gathering in my eyes as my heart’s pounding was returning to its regular steady beat. The gruff-looking man’s eyes softened, “Everything going to be okay. We haven’t met before but my name is Jeralt, what’s yours?” I blinked the tears away before I spoke, “My name is Aurora.”

Something about his calm demeanor had helped me relax somewhat, “You did well kid.” He gave me a rough pat on the head, what I assumed was an affectionate gesture. A booming voice followed by some crashing in the forest drew his attention away, “The Knights of Seiros are here! We will cut you down for terrorizing our students!” With that whatever was left of the bandits in hiding fled. The knights hot on their tail. 

These Knights seemed to know Jeralt though he didn’t seem too pleased with encountering them. I was embarrassed by my reaction to my injury, it must have made me seem quite inexperienced, I decided to rest on a tree stump and look at the mess that was my attire. My white and grey uniform was stained a dark red, perhaps that’s why their uniforms where black. This time when they approached I did not have the energy to recoil as I lifted my head to meet them.

The loud man who had been speaking with Jeralt was now at their side with a cheerful smile. He stretched out his hand and grasped mine, “I heard what you did for one of our fine students!” My arm went limp as he shook it with vigor. “I am sure that Lady Rhea will want to thank you personally for the service you’ve done today!” As he let go of my hand he gestured to my wounds, “We have an infirmary where you can get patched up in no time! Make sure that face of yours doesn’t get a scar. In fact, I insist that you and the Captain return to the monastery with us!” Before I could open my mouth to protest he barked, “Where are my manners!? I am Alois Rangeld, one of the Knights of Seiros!”   
I bowed my head, accepting my fate. Part of me wished to insist they leave me here, but I was exhausted from the lack of sleep and physical exertion. He had already turned away from me as I started to reply, “Thank you Sir, that is a generous offer.” He flashed me a smile before returning to his men’s side.

The early light of dawn was showing on the horizon when we had finished readying for a journey to the monastery. The three students had yet to speak to me again but kept giving me curious looks. It wasn’t until we were well on the road that any of them approached me. Though for a small amount of time we walked in silence, I could feel their eyes on my back as I moved forward. The young man in blue decided to break the ice before his companions. With an easy stride, he was at my side and looked to me, “I wish to speak with you if you can spare a moment.” I gave him a small nod to continue. This only seemed to draw the other two students in as they were now moving to join in.   
Everything about this young man's demeanor screamed noble to me, which Yuri had instilled in me meant I shouldn’t trust him. That manners were a front for more sinister intent. Though I found my guard dropping because of his awkward way of speaking, I had never been treated so politely that it baffled me. I glanced toward him as he continued, “I recall you had said you were not a student at the Academy, perhaps with our effort and that of the Knights, we could convince Lady Rhea to allow you to attend. We were all witnesses to your quick reflexes and commanding presence on the battlefield. You showed me I still have much to learn in combat. And I am confident she would find that you have much potential, and are worthy of tutelage.” I found myself staring at him in confusion. Was he asking me what I wanted, or trying to convince me it was a good idea? I couldn’t really tell but his expression was unchanged as I rolled his words around in my head.  
Now on my left, the refined young woman interrupted my thoughts, “Your skill is precisely why I must ask you to lend your services to the Empire, and join the Black Eagle house. If you are to attend the Officers Academy, I might as well tell you now. I am no mere student. I am also the Adrestian Empire’s future Emperor-“ The boy in blue turned in her direction, “Halt, Edelgard. Please allow me to finish my own proposition.”   
I felt my body freeze up in a panic. Edelgard was the Imperial Princess. I wasn’t so sheltered that I was completely clueless. I had pushed her to the ground and yet here she was asking me to join her house. Sure the Ashen Wolves were a “house” but in name only. And this blonde one had called her by her first name and interrupted her. He was either clueless or important enough that he could entertain the chance of offending the future ruler.   
I cursed past me that left yesterday without care, thinking I could just stay one day at the monastery and disappear back underground.   
The tall young man continued as if unaware of my slowing pace, “The Holy Kingdom of Faerghus is in dire need of exceptional individuals like yourself. Please do consider joining our class, the Blue Lion house.”   
“Whoa, there!” The third student called out to the two of them as he moved to flank Edelgard, “You two sure are hasty. Trying to recruit someone you just met.” As his gaze swept over them to meet mine his tone light-hearted, but his eyes determined. He jabbed, “Tactless really.”   
I lifted my hands and tried to speak with enough confidence to hold their attention, “Forgive me, but I believe you have misplaced value onto me. Please don’t take this the wrong way, you all seem like fine people, but you are strangers to me.”   
Now all their eyes were glued to me. Edelgard furrowed her eyebrows as if displeased. A blur of blonde hair moved in a sheepish bow, “Ah I apologize, how rude of me. You so kindly assisted us and yet I haven’t even had the courtesy to introduce myself.”   
It was endearing, he had stopped walking to bow then quickly moved to catch up. It was much too formal and yet there was a boyishness to it. I found myself trying to hide a smile as he returned to my side, still introducing himself, “I am Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd. Crown prince of the Holy Kingdom of Faerghus. But should you attend the academy you should treat me as any other student.” My mouth opened slightly in shock as I had almost laughed at the prince. Thank the Goddess I had not allowed myself that. Glancing between the three of them I widened my eyes, “Edelgard, Dimitri,” I gestured to the young man in gold, “And I don’t believe I know your name?” He winked at me, “Claude von Riegan, but don’t worry about all that you can just call me Claude.” Perhaps a wink had a different connotation to him, though I could feel my cheeks going flush. I moved my eyes to stare straight ahead. Riegan rang a bell, though I held my tongue. Balthus had said he needed dirt on a Riegan but hadn’t gone into much detail.   
I could feel Edelgard’s piercing gaze on me as she asked, “What is your name?” Fumbling I dipped my head, “Ah I apologize, my name is Aurora. No family name.” She seemed to take it into consideration as Dimitri tilted his face in my direction, “If it this is your first time at the monastery, I’d be happy to show you around.” How kind yet completely intimidating. Claude leaned back and closed his eyes, “It really is Fódlan in a nutshell. Speaking-of, where are you from exactly?” I wasn’t sure how to answer him. He opened his eyes and lifted an eyebrow, “It might solve the issue of you picking favorites. As most students are assigned to a house based on where they live.” I considered my words carefully, as not many people knew of the Abyss, “Well when I said I wasn’t a student at the Officers Academy, I was telling the truth. But I am afraid I am already part of a house. Though it is only a house by name and we have no teacher.”   
They looked at me like I was completely mad. Edelgard spoke in astonishment, “A house that is not part of the Officers Academy. How is that possible?” Shaking my head I continued, “The Ashen Wolves are from Abyss. Though I am not really supposed to talk about it with those from the surface.” I was only digging myself a deeper hole as now they all were staring intently at me. I should stop talking before they all decide to show mercy with a swift killing, making me shut my mouth abruptly. Luckily for me, we had reached the edge of the forest and I could see Garreg Mach. It was a massive and beautiful monastery, leaving me awestruck. Claude and Edelgard watched me intently as we approached though said nothing. Dimitri seemed oddly unphased by my statements, eager to point out certain buildings roofs from a distance. I appreciated the distraction from my throbbing wounds and sore feet. Soon I would be introduced to Lady Rhea, who’s name I had only heard from Aelfric. As she was the one who had named our house. I wasn’t a fool I knew she was the Archbishop, and that not everyone had a positive opinion of her or the Church of Seiros. Once I had rested I was curious and terrified to get my own first-hand encounter.


	4. Miss Assistant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aurora arrives at Garreg Mach and her services are requested by the Archbishop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So much has happened to her in such a small time! Personally, when I am in a situation I find myself too overwhelmed to really process everything until things have calmed down. So don't mistake Aurora accepting everything as anything other than exhaustion and having no idea what's going on. She really hasn't had time to consider how much her life is going to change. Also sorry so much of the dialogue isn't so different but once characters are established they will have more to say that is og. Thanks to the like two people who read this <3

The sounds of people going about their day, passing through the market where vendors shouted out attempting to entice. Children fed scraps of food to cats and dogs. Light bounced brightly off the stone on the buildings with pale teal peaks. The sound of horseshoes against the cobbled street. Women carried baskets with fresh produce or washed linen. The people smiled and wore clean simple clothes. The air was filled with happy chatter and smelled of spring. As we crossed through the open gate many stores caught my attention, a shop for books, another for woman’s dresses, a bakery, so many interesting and colorful places. The town just outside the monastery already had me enraptured. 

Perhaps something about my expression gave away my sense of wonder as the Prince gave me a polite smile, “Garreg Mach attracts people from all over Fódlan. With the Knight’s of Seiros for protection, and many nobility traveling here to pay respects to the Goddess. I can understand why so many would find it appealing to make a living so close to the monastery. I haven’t had the opportunity to go myself, but those who attend the Officer’s Academy can visit here on their time off.” 

Though part of me knew he was merely attempting to gain my favor I could not bring myself to be offended. No wonder Aelfric had wanted the Ashen Wolves to return the to surface. My companions had once lived in the light. I could not recall a time before, like many of the orphans of Abyss I had lived there for as long as I could remember. Some whispered that those born in the darkness could never hope to walk among the stars at the Goddess’s side. Others said the ultimate sacrifice of the Martyr Amloth guaranteed all mortal souls to be given the chance to see the heavens. 

There was a lack of idols or symbols of Amloth. Though Aelfric had explained that the surface had different conflicting ideas of Amloth, I couldn’t help but find her missing presence disturbing. Though I did not consider myself a devout believer, I could not deny that the idea of such a being brought me comfort. From the decorations, I could guess it was Great Tree Moon. As there were many flowers and banners of the Adrestian Empire that hung around shops and stalls. It did not escape my attention that people made a path for the knights in front of us. Many of those who walked the streets whispered and stared openly at the three students. I suppose word traveled fast, the future Emperor, King, and Duke all attending the Academy in the same year must be no small matter. 

“Greetings!” A guard gave us a salute as we crossed through the open doors into the Entrance Hall. The banners of Seiros white and red hung from the height of the massive vaulted ceiling. I had to admit there was something in the air here, It felt as if the Goddess herself had walked these halls. The stone simultaneously kept the sound from the market out, but made all the voices and flowing water within echoing eerily. It felt as if time did not touch those who lived here. Nobles and nuns watched our precession with a curious gaze. 

Soon we were lead to a room where the floor was white and dark marble. It held many long tables and benches. Huge chandeliers hung from the ceiling. I could not think of a reason for such a room. We were told to wait here as Alois turned down the hall. I could hear the clanking of his armor ascend stairs. 

The three students were dismissed to visit the infirmary. Before they left they each gave a goodbye. Claude with a wink and two-finger salute, "I have a feeling we'll be seeing a lot of each other." Edelgard gave a head nod with a stoic expression, "Consider my offer." Dimitri with a knightly bend, "If I can be of any assistance, please don't hesitate to call upon me." With that, each of them followed the path the knight had gone. 

My guess was that their presence wasn’t needed for an audience with Lady Rhea. Though none of them were injured, I supposed it would look bad for the academy if they didn’t offer. As soon as they had left Jeralt and I exchanged a glance. He looked unhappy being here. Alois’s clattering alerted us to his arrival. He beckoned for us to follow him up the flight of stairs. I took up the rear as Alois bellowed to Jeralt, “I always knew you were still alive Captain!” As we reached the top of the stairs there were two large doors that opened slowly at our arrival. 

A figured I assumed was Lady Rhea turned to face us but I could only see her silhouette. Behind her, the sunlight came through a stained-glass window in which the colors matched the floor. Instead of her speaking I jumped at the sound of a voice to the right. A man with dark green hair and a stern face stepped from behind a pillar and walked forward to greet us. “Thank you for your patience. My name is Seteth. I am an advisor to the Archbishop.” Jeralt gave a curt nod, “Right. Hello.”   
As I attempted a curtsy and could hear light clacks of shoes on the tile. My face lifted to meet the Archbishop's stare before she spoke to Jeralt, “It has been a long time, Jeralt. I wonder...” Her eyes searched our expressions as she continued, “Was it the will of the Goddess that we have another chance meeting, like this?” He gave her a practiced bow, “Forgive my silence all these years. Much has happened since we last spoke.” She dipped her head to acknowledge him then looked to me, “As for you, I heard of your valiant effort from Alois. What is your name?” Bowing as deeply as I could I spoke with a shaky voice, “My name is Aurora.” Her maternal nature was as comforting as it was powerful. “A fine name indeed. I believe Aelfric has spoken of you before. It is nice to have a face to that name.” She smiled at me relieving my anxiety somewhat. Jeralt gave me a puzzled glance before returning his gaze to Lady Rhea. 

“From the bottom of my heart thank you for saving those students of the Officers Academy. Jeralt, you believe you already know what it is I wish to say?” With a heavy sigh, he shifted his weight, “You want me to rejoin the Knights of Seiros, don’t you. I won’t say no.” For a moment her sadness slipped before she returned to a peaceful mask, “Your apprehension stings. Though Alois did request that I ask you to return to your old position, I have a different task in mind. During the attack, one of our professors fled. Seeing as you so readily defended our students I wished to ask you to take their place.” Jeralt's eyes wided as she continued, “You successfully trained your band of mercenaries, and I believe your practical knowledge of battle is something we lack here.” Bringing his hand to his forehead he seemed reluctant but said nothing. Taking his silence as consent she addressed me with a serene smile, “And you Aurora, I wish to request your services as well.” I blinked at her in a daze. “I wish to ask you to assist Professor Jeralt. I do not know why you took shelter in Abyss but consider your sins forgiven in the eyes of the Goddess.”   
I was unsure of how to feel. Implying I was guilty just by living there was odd. But this was me being accepted into the light by the Archbishop. How could I not show gratitude? “Words can not express my thanks.”   
I bowed again assuming one could not show enough deference. When I lifted my head Lady Rhea regarded me with such a bittersweet expression. I could not tell if this was anything more than pity.  
Turning away from us she looked towards the stained glass, “I am afraid I must dismiss you for now. Seteth will inform you of your duties tomorrow. Please visit Manuela to have your injuries treated. Farewell, for now.”   
Jeralt and I left the room in silence. The thick wooden doors closed behind us as two people approached us. A woman in a green dress with ample cleavage, light brown hair cut shorter than her chin, “So. You must be the new professor. My, how stern and handsome you are! I’m Manuela, professor, physician, songstress, and available.” Jeralt let out a groan as the older gentleman with greyed hair ignored his colleague's comment completely, “I am Hanneman, Crest scholar and fellow professor at the Officers Academy.” He extended his hand to Jeralt who shook it. 

Manuela’s eyes widened as she looked to me, “Oh poor dear! You are a mess! Why didn’t they send you to my office immediately! Please follow me.” Hanneman strolled a few steps behind us musing to Jeralt, “I wonder if you bare a Crest of your own.” Jeralt stopped him abruptly, “Don’t bother, I don’t, and even if I did I’d rather not know.” Sounding rather disappointed Hanneman sighed. 

I was instructed to sit on one of the medical cots as Manuela took my chin in her hand, “Thankfully you won’t get an infection. Though it wouldn’t hurt to use some magic to make sure there’s no scaring.” I had seen magic like this before, as both Yuri and Balthus were practiced, though not nearly as careful as a trained healer. Closing my eyes I could feel the tingle of magic sewing my wounds shut. 

“Seems you’ll be taking charge of one of the academy’s three houses. Have you been briefed on the nature of each?” Jeralt didn’t seem to be in the mood for socializing. Replying to the scholar with a grunt, “I have an idea.” Either ignoring or not recognizing the unfriendly tone Hanneman continued, “Wonderful, I suggest you two take a stroll around the academy to get your bearings.” After giving me a light pat on the shoulder Manuela faced the other two professors, “Tomorrow you can introduce yourselves to the students. There are some odd ducks in that bunch, but they’re good kids.” 

Jeralt rubbed the back of his neck, “Thanks for the advice. I supposed I’ll see to you tomorrow then.” Unsure of how to address him I meekly waved as a goodbye. I caught a glimpse of his amused smile before he disappeared down the hall. 

Hanneman looked to me, “If you are feeling well enough, please come to my office. It’s just across the hall.” I was exhausted but felt as if I couldn’t refuse. They had been quite nice and I was sincerely curious to see if I had a crest. Though I doubted it, I thought if he was offering I could gain some valuable information. Before leaving I attempted a smile for Manuela, “Thank you.” Even if I felt no different I wished to show my appreciation someway. This small acknowledgment seemed to light up her face. Cheerily replying, “You can visit me anytime.” I made note of that, as I did wish to ask her advice on perhaps changing my uniform. She seemed friendly and not completely intimidating. 

Stepping into the other office Hanneman gestured towards a contraption on the ground, “Please go ahead and hold out your arm over this device here.” Letting my hand hang in the air above it, it took a few moments before an odd assortment of lines showed its self. 

“A pattern I’ve never seen before. Is it possible an as-yet-undiscovered Crest has been detected?” Rushing to his desk he scribbled down the form.   
“To think there are still Crests out there that even I am unaware of! How thrilling!”   
I had seen illustrations of a few Crests before. The Crest of Seiros was on the flag of Adrestia. Blaiddyd’s on the flag of the Holy Kingdom of Faerghus. Various Alliance nobility had their Crests on the flag of the Leicester Alliance. Though those were much more abstract in shape than the one before me. If you were to ask me what this Crest resembled it looked like an animal skull with four empty eye-sockets. Though that was my uneducated opinion. Interrupting Hanneman muttering to himself I asked, “So this Crest has no history?” Seeming surprised that I was still in the room he lifted his gaze from his writing, “Yes, as far as I am aware. Though I will need to conduct more research before coming to that conclusion.” I nodded relieved he didn’t seem to notice my disappointment. It wasn’t until it had died that I had realized somewhere I had held hope that I could learn anything about my family, or my identity. A Crest could mean a bloodline or family name I could claim. It looked as if that would not be the case. 

When I found myself in the hall again I realized I had no idea where I was supposed to go. Glancing around nervously I was approached by a young boy probably only a year or so younger than me, he had tan skin and wavy dark hair. “Excuse me miss. Lady Rhea told me to show ya where you’ll be stayin'.” Eager to be finally being able to rest I followed him through the grounds. Though I was too overwhelmed and tired to really pay much attention to the details anymore. I was brought to a wooden door. The kid seemed in a hurry as he opened it, “Here is your room. This building is the dorms. You’re not a student Miss, but seeing as you’re around their age I guess this is where you’re staying.” With a small nod, I thanked him and he was gone. The way he talked had reminded me of some of the children in Abyss. Though I worried he might take that as an insult if I said it aloud. 

After closing the door behind me I cast a small flame to light the candles in the room as the sky was growing dark. I took stock of this new place I could call my own. There was an empty windowsill. A large writing desk with many drawers, an accompanying chair that was pushed in. On top were a corked ink bottle, unused writing quill, and notebook. Three unmarked books stacked neatly on top of the attached shelf. Next to it was an empty dresser, above that, a bulletin board hung on the wall. On the other side of the room was a bed with plain white sheets and blankets, and an end table behind the headboard. It was truly odd because long as I could remember I had shared quarters with other people. This was the first time I would truly have a space for myself. 

Not having gotten any sleep the night previously not to mention all the walking, fighting, and information I had to process. I found myself on the bed before I could change out of my clothes.


	5. Dawn of the First Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aurora's first day getting used to the monastery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that it's clear that Aurora FEELS like she's a socially awkward mess, but most people just perceive her as an airhead. Because that's how my life was for a long time. My anxiety isn't very obvious even when I feel it like it's crippling me. Most people just took me as shy and spacy. Also, there might be a reason Jeralt seems so be so nice to her in comparison to all the staff at the monastery.

Knocking at my door awoke me. Not recognizing my surroundings caused me a moment of panic before I jumped up and swung open the door. Two women in religious attire held out a woven basket. I could tell I must look ridiculous because they both stifled laughs. “Forgive the intrusion Ministra. Lady Rhea has requested you be fitted with these garments to indicate your position.” I bowed sheepishly and let them in. On the top was of their basket was a sealed letter addressed to me. 

An occasional pinprick was not an issue as the woman worked quite quickly. They seemed to enjoy their work as they took my measurements. I had personally always worn what I could find. Even the uniform I wore in the Ashen Wolves was slightly too big on me, though I hadn’t minded. 

“Ministra Aurora, I mean no offense to you. But perhaps you should bathe before you change into fresh attire?” I could feel my cheeks grow hot as I asked, “Thank you sister, where would I go to bathe?” She gave me a warm smile as she pointed towards the direction of the bathhouse, “Enter through the door marked for women. In the first drawer of your dresser, you should have a towel and other hygiene products. The attendant can answer any questions you may have as to appropriate behavior. Oh and only use the bathhouse Wednesdays and Sundays that is when the staff of your rank is permitted.” 

Leaving me with my new uniform they parted with polite smiles. After closing the door I looked more thoroughly and found the supplies I would need to bring with me. All of it unassuming and plain. I didn’t mind in fact I was grateful. Abyss was not the cleanest place as we didn’t have any sort of formal bathhouse. After storing the extra clothes in my new dresser I opened the letter which read:

“Once the bells chime eight times come to the audience chamber and speak with me. We have much to discuss, expectations, and duties.   
Please look presentable and show pride in your new position.   
\- Seteth.”

Placing the letter on my dresser I gathered my new uniform and bath necessities laying them in the basket the sisters had given me. It was a short walk to the bathhouse. I could see I was woken up quite early. Perhaps this was one of those expectations Seteth spoke of. I could only see hints of the sun's arrival as the sky was a faint blue and the air smelled pleasantly damp. Very few walked in early fog, servants, or other members of the congregation, already busy preparing for the day.

Entering the door with pink stain glass I saw a shelf that held a few pairs of shoes. I hoped I was correct in my etiquette, I removed my new pair and placed them there. Leaving this room there was a counter where a woman was sitting though she looked distracted by what she was reading. Behind her were the same kinds of bars of soap and towels I had. This room had a few mirrors hanging on the wall, counters in front of them, and open lockers were I could see some clothes were stored. Nervously looking around, the attendant didn’t seem to be paying me any attention. After stripping I took a deep breath to stop shaking, wrapped my towel around myself, and walked through the open archway towards the sound of running water. 

Today had only just begun and I could not bring myself to be humiliated by asking for help. There were only two other occupants, both of them middle-aged women. One sat on a stool and was pouring water over her hair, the other was sitting within a large bath that was on the opposite wall of the door I just came through. I grabbed a stool for myself, mimicking this stranger to the best of my ability. The dried blood that had been caked to my skin was easily scrubbed away. The soap scent was mild but pleasant. After washing I wondered if getting in the bath was necessary, glancing back to the woman who’s example I had previously followed. She had wrapped her towel around herself and was headed back towards the archway. Though I would love to soak I didn’t yet feel comfortable in this place nor completely naked around strangers. 

I felt fresher than I had in many moons. Drying my hair as I stood in front of the locker where my clean clothes lay. It seemed the attendant took the dirty clothes and placed them behind the counter. Perhaps that’s why only certain staff were allowed on days. I imagined keep track of clothes would be a nightmare. 

Catching the light in my reflection I could see the raised white mark on my mouth. It was barely visible now but I still could feel it under my fingertips. A mirror this well maintained was as fascinating as it was troubling. Comb in hand I attempted to style my hair pushing some of it behind my left ear. Sighing that my features were not the most feminine. Withdrawing my clear clothes I realized this had many layers. More than I had ever worn, a slip, stockings, a corset, then a shirtwaist, a petticoat, a skirt, and then finally a jacket. Not to mention many ribbons and bows to tie. The elaborate ensemble took what felt like forever to get correctly. Women came and went, some helping for a moment before bathing. When it was complete I did not recognize myself. I looked like I truly belonged at the Officers Academy, even if I felt completely out of my element. I could hear the toll of the bells, and I realized I was going to be late if I did not leave immediately. Grabbing my things I rushed to put on shoes and hurried back to my room to place my new things on the dresser. 

By now many more people were awake. As I hastened towards the Reception hall I passed Edelgard who’s back was to me. She was speaking to a sinister-looking man with black hair. He wore the same uniform as the other students but he was quite tall. Passing through the threshold I could hear Alois’s booming voice bouncing off the walls. As I crested the top of the stairs I could see him happily chatting with Jeralt. He gave me a big grin and his companion a hearty slap on the back, “I should be going Captain, but good luck with your new position.” Turning to me he continued, “And it’s nice to see you. You look like you’re feeling much better!” I nodded earnestly to him and he seemed satisfied. The two wooden doors opened slowly as Jeralt and I were called in. 

Seteth stood with his arms folded, next to him was the young boy who had shown me my room. Lifting his gaze to us his stern expression didn’t change, “Good morning.” He examined our attire before continuing, “Jeralt I know professors may choose their own clothing, but I hope you know we can get you any attire you wish. Unless you want to teach looking like a mercenary?” Jeralt gave a halfhearted laugh, “It’s intentional.” Seteth lifted his eyebrows but said no more to him. Looking at me he showed hints of a smile, “I see you have taken my letter seriously. I am impressed with your presentation.” I dipped my head, “Thank you.” Nervously I tucked my hair behind my ear. The boy stepped forward and presented us with some books. Seteth explained, “I have chosen these volumes for you to read as they will familiarize you with some of the context and politics of Fódlan. I do not assume you unpracticed in combat, but some of the students will be familiar with historical terms, and I do not wish to leave you out of your depth.” Jeralt held up one of the books, deep green with gold lettering that read: The Book of Seiros. “Do you require your professors to be followers?” Seteth shook his head, “No, but I do wish for you to have it. Some of your students will be devout believers and if you wish to guide them you must have knowledge in this matter.” Jeralt gave a huff but took the book. 

“As a professor of the Officers Academy, you will be expected to teach your students in both theoretical and practical battle tactics, how you decided to approach this matter will be up to your own taste and based on the needs of the students. You will also act as an advisor, not only in their academic work but also in whatever challenges come with adolescence. There will be seminars that we schedule a week in advance based on student demand. Lectures such as those will be based on your specialty and any student interested is allowed to attend. So prepare for those in a timely manner.” 

Jeralt’s eyes glazed over and I worried that perhaps he would rely on me to remember this on his behalf. 

“Each moon you should try to share a meal with your students. This is a time-honored tradition that builds close bonds.” 

Seteth could tell he was losing his attention and sighed, “Professor, I know it is rather dry but it is what is expected of you. Failing is not an option. I know it can seem overwhelming, which is why you have an assistant. As you can delegate some of these tasks to her but you must understand the weight of each before doing so.” Seteth gestured to me and my eyes grew wide. I hoped Jeralt would not give me all the responsibilities he didn’t wish to do. Seteth continued though with a harsher tone. 

“You will also be tasked with assigning students for cleaning and maintaining the following each week, the stables, the greenhouse, and the Officer’s Academy courtyard. As well as collecting volunteers to participate in church services, meal preparation, and tournaments. Your office will be where the previous Captain of the Knight’s resided. Make sure to have designated times your students can come and speak with you there. As for monthly funds, Jeralt you will be given 5000 gold a moon to spend on supplies and anything else you require. What you do not spend can be used however you desire. Aurora, you will be given 500 gold a moon. This is for your personal use.” 

That was more gold than I had ever carried in my entire life. Though I tried to remain stoic I must have shown my excitement as Seteth glanced at me curiously. 

“We will meet back here at one o’clock. You and the other professors will be choosing which houses you will be teaching.” 

Lady Rhea stepped out from a side chamber to the left to met us. Jeralt and I both bowed as she spoke, “Truly the Goddess has blessed us with your return. Today you should meet with each of the House Leaders so you can get better aquatinted with what each class has to offer.” With a smile she dismissed us. 

As he headed down the hallway I made my way to the stairs and down towards the dormitories. In my arms, I held five books though I could only see the one on the top. Which had no words but an engraved image of Fódlan. Walking slowly I passed the courtyard and glanced to see the professor’s Hanneman and Manuela chatting with some students. It seemed my duty was now to deposit my books in my room and introduce myself. I dreaded it. I had never been a social person and I already felt below all the nobility that attended. 

I reached my door but struggled to open it. A cheery nasally voice called out, “Ah you look like you need a hand!” Turning in their direction I saw a young man with grey hair and a freckled face. Shaking my head I replied, “Oh it’s alright I-“ The words died in my mouth as two of the books tumbled to the ground. He eagerly picked them up as I apologized, “Thank you, I’m sorry.” He smiled at me, “Oh it’s no trouble. I’m happy to help. Are you a student here too?” I shook my head and he gave me sheepish look, “Oh, sorry I shouldn’t have assumed. Is this your room?” I opened my door and quietly grunted, “Yes.” After placing what was in my arms onto the dresser I turned to see him reading the covers of my books, “Ah sorry! I wasn’t trying to pry! I just enjoy stories about knights and was hoping you were reading something like that. Though these look like very dense reads.” He handed them to me and I hummed in agreement. He continued, “I am only one room down if you need anything. Oh and I’m Ashe. Great to meet you.” I responded with a small curtsy, “Nice to meet you, my name is Aurora.” His eyebrows furrowed slightly before he lit up, “Oh! So you are the professor’s assistant. Everyone’s been talking about how you fought those bandits. Prince Dimitri said you saved lives!” I avoided his gaze as I didn’t really feel as if I deserved that much credit. 

I didn’t want to dismiss Ashe but I wasn’t sure how to explain myself. Tucking away stray strands of my hair I fumbled, “Oh, I didn’t expect them to talk about it.” He blinked his big green eyes at me, “Why wouldn’t they? From what it sounded like it was really heroic! Not everyone can rise up to the challenge like that!” The heat was rising to my ears, “I..” Words failed me as my throat closed. I could feel him staring waiting for me to finish. I wanted to disappear. Silence hung in the air for what felt like a painfully long time before he offered, “There’s no need to be modest. Though I can see how it could be pretty intimidating.” I nodded fervently. “You should embrace it!” He pumped his fist and my heart sank. “I think you should be proud of-“

“Hey, kid!” I turned to look at Jeralt. “Are you coming or not?” Quickly placing my books inside and then shutting the door I managed a hurried explanation, “Sorry I have to go. I’ll talk to you later.” Ashe nodded his mouth hung open slightly as I left.   
Jeralt lifted an eyebrow at me, “Already made a friend?” For how negative he was towards others I was caught off guard by his causal teasing. I replied with an exasperated sigh, “No, I just dropped my books.” Rounding the corner to the Officer Academy he let out a laugh, “Looks like you’re just as miserable as I am.” 

We scanned the courtyard and Dimitri caught Jeralt’s attention. I could see Claude at the end of the building talking with someone, but no Edelgard. “Hello! Wonderful to see you two again.” Dimitri greeted us with practiced manners that somehow didn’t hide his excitement. I tipped my head in acknowledgment. Looking to Jeralt he continued, “I’ve heard word that you are to become a professor here.” Then addressing me, “And you are to be his assistant. Delightful news. I’m confident I could benefit greatly from your guidance.” Jeralt sighed though Dimitri maintained his steady cadence, “In any case welcome to the monastery.” His address was too deferential given our significant differences in rank, but it was not unwelcome. Jeralt struggled to match his enthusiasm, “Thanks, now that’s over with we’ll be off. Lots of people to meet, names to forget.” 

I felt awful brushing him off after such kindness. Though I wasn’t sure what else I could say. As Jeralt turned Dimitri reached out his hand, “Ah yes I am aware you are investigating the different houses here. Did any of the Blue Lions catch your attention?” Jarelt glanced up and shook his head, “You’re the only one we’ve met. Just got here.” The disappointment was visible on his face, “Ah I see, is that so. Well, our classroom is the one with the blue banners. You should find most of the students inside.” With a nod, Jeralt continued walking, though I was frozen in place. I cursed myself I must be too softhearted for my own good. Jeralt might not mind but I thought I could at least try to match his eagerness. Gathering my courage I asked, “I apologize if I am incorrect, but is Ashe part of the Blue Lions? He’s the only student I have met so far.” Dimitri lit up, “Yes! He is. He’s the adoptive son of Lord Lonato of Castle Gaspard, but he was born a commoner. What did you think of him?” My throat went dry as I replied, “Oh he seems kind and enthusiastic. Though we only spoke for a moment.” Dimitri seemed quite pleased with that answer, “I’m glad he made a good impression on you.” I could feel Jeralt’s glare burning into the back of my head. 

My hands were shaking as Dimitri stared at me with a neutral smile. I wasn’t cut out for this. Even talking to nobility as friendly and agreeable as him, made my body react as if I were going to draw my blade at any moment. This clothing was ornamental and constricting and I felt as if I would combust. His polite smile turned into concern. This was not the moment to show how out of my element I was. Surprised by my own voice, “What about you?” I could hear Jeralt give out a laugh. Dimitri grew flustered, “Me? Oh um please forgive me. It’s difficult to open up on the spot, don’t you think?” I bowed my head immediately regretting my words, “You’re right, I apologize and thank you.” With that I turned around, eyes unblinkingly staring forward. I could not bear to look back. Why would I ask that? He’s Prince and that question was pointless.

Jarelt’s annoyance with me had vanished and was replaced with amusement as we made our way to the classrooms. Once we were out of earshot he leaned towards me, “You have a surprisingly good poker face, kid. I could only tell you were nervous by your twitchy hands.” I looked to him in disbelief, “What?” He nodded casually, “It’s true. Your voice doesn’t change, you don’t blush or stutter. You always have that detached far off look.” Was this how I seemed to people? Did I come across as a complete fool? This was far worse than I had imagined. More to myself than him I sighed, “I see.”


	6. Cold Hands

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aurora prepares for the first day as the assistant to Jeralt. Aurora recalls some of her childhood. Claude gets a promise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this one took so long. Some things happened in my life and I rewrote and removed a lot of pieces in this chapter. As a warning, this chapter hits towards sexual harassment/attempted assault. The Abyss was even worse before the Ashen Wolves showed up. Also graphic death. As a heads up characters like Claude, Dedue, Cyril, Shamir and Petra will be treated with Fodlan racism as is implied or shown in-game. But if you don't like that, I understand and wanted to give you that heads up. I don't know if this is clear but also characters will be treated poorly or differently because of class, wealth, and Crests.

Yuri’s voice rang in my mind, that it would be a waste not to use their assumptions against them. To be perceived as a fool might be a blessing in disguise. Twisting inside my gut like a knife, deep and unrelenting was the reminder that I was not worthy. Not worth understanding. 

As a child, I took to carrying a knife. I would stand outside the Wilting Rose merchants, prostitutes, and thieves would give me a coin or two to buy some bread for myself and the other children. Though I never begged, that would get me beaten or thrown into the sewage. I was the oldest in the group so it was my duty to protect them. We would sleep in the abandoned passageways, huddled up. My pathetic rusted weapon at the ready. Nightmares occurred so regularly that I thought that was all dreaming was. No matter how I tried. The knife, the coin, even stealing was not enough. Nameless they would disappear in the night, sick, or starved. Until I was alone.

Grown men whistled, beckoned, and touched. I violently pushed them or cut with my dull blade. Breath smelling like ale they would corner me in dark alleyways and whisper what they would like to do to me. I felt nothing as I drew their blood. A slash of their palm was enough that I could flee from their large rough hands, stupid from the drink.

I thought I had understood grief and guilt. I had been helpless to stop those around me from death. To feel at once responsibility and powerlessness. A frail old man had seen I could get coin and tried to convince me to give him some, I refused. In a frenzy is hands wrapped a vise-like grip around my neck. He wailed with tears in his eyes, “I haven’t eaten in days you selfish little rat!” I went blank as I sunk my dull knife into his throat. He dropped me with a thud. I was frozen as he gargled and choked on his own blood. It was my fault. His death was not swift as he crumpled onto the ground gasping and sputtering. I had killed him the moment we had spoken. I felt nothing. Nearby vendors didn’t even bat an eye as this man who once held life in his eyes transformed into a corpse. 

I laid on the earth staring at him. I couldn’t hear anything. I couldn’t smell. I could only look at the pool of blood and the rusty knife still sitting in his neck undisturbed.  
I was not helpless, though whatever I was no one wanted me. No one's daughter, no one's friend. Whatever I was, I was alone.

When Aelfric returned things got better. He visited me often enough to teach me about the Goddess and Amloth’s mercy. I had a talent for magic. Reading came to me naturally, and I spent much of my time alone in the library. After expressing my wish to protect myself he gifted me a sword. I didn’t understand why. I assumed that people like me didn’t deserve the light of the Goddess. There had been many who had died that could have been saved by the charity of the Church. How could I get what I wanted and yet those who had merely wanted bread were gone. I was told the Abyss its self was the kindness. The only comfort I was offered was that those who died found peace at the Goddess’s side. 

Before the Ashen Wolves, there was no one the people could turn too. As much as we were students we were also there to defend the defenseless. I was grateful as Aelfric invited them to join us, they were all skilled and powerful. Even with their own hardships, they had embraced the people of Abyss and our goals aligned. Though they all kept some distance from me, which I didn’t mind. They were all a few years older than me and had come here later in life. I was born here, they belonged to the light. 

Aelfric might say this improvement to my life was a blessing. Abyss was supposed to be a temporary refuge. The staggering difference between my life and those here at the Officers Academy was only too clear. Garreg Mach had servants, shelter and no one was trying to hurt those who walked the grounds. I was easily wrapped up in the comfort and stability that the monastery offered. As we went and visited each class I tried my best to remember names and faces.

-

As we walked back to the Archbishop’s chamber Jeralt turned to me and asked, “So, what do you think?” With a confused look, I replied, “About what class you should choose?” He closed his eyes enjoying the sun on his face, “Yeah, I was thinking I can’t offer much to the Black Eagles.” That was true, Jeralt had trained as a knight. Their interest seemed to be in magic and axes.  
I nodded thoughtfully, “Leonie really wanted you to teach the Golden Deer.” He gave a hearty chuckle, “That’s true. But I’m asking you.” Blinking up at him I racked my brain, “Are you asking which best suits you?” Opening his eyes he sighed, “Just your opinion kid don’t overthink it.” Pausing for a moment I considered, “Well seeing as neither of us uses bows. I think the Blue Lions are the best fit.” He tilted his head to look at me, “That reminds me, what else can you do besides swing a sword?” I shrugged, “I can do some magic and some healing.” He hummed in thought. He stopped just outside the staircase, “What do you think of each of the leaders?” I stared at the floor, searching for words so that I didn’t sound rude, “Edelgard seems analytical if a bit arrogant. She’s the only one who didn’t thank us. Claude is very friendly, but I feel like I don’t know anything about him. Dimitri is the one I could see treating us as people.” That last part had slipped out before I realized that I had even held that opinion. Jeralt lifted his eyebrows in surprise, “Fair enough, I was thinking the same thing. They all act like they’ve got something to hide but-“ 

The other two Professors approached through the open archway. Manuela smiled, “Discussing which class to choose? Care to share?” Her eyes moved between us, not wanting to miss the gossip. I looked to Jeralt wondering if I should say anything. With a half-hearted shrug, he replied, “I was just saying I was thinking of choosing those brats from Faerghus. They want to play knights so bad, maybe I’ll show them what it’s really like.” Manuela grimaced and hushed him, “Professor you might not want to say that in polite company. You never know who you’ll offend.” Jeralt gave out a laugh, “Suppose you’re right. One of those nobles could ask Lady Rhea for my head.” Hanneman nervously dismissed him, “Well we shouldn’t keep Seteth waiting.” 

Once we were in the Archbishop’s audience chamber they allowed Jeralt to choose first. He chose the Blue Lions, Manuela chose the Black Eagles, and Hanneman was happy to take the Golden Deer. We were then informed of the mock battle at the end of the moon. Giving us one week to prepare. Tomorrow we were to show up to our classrooms as it would be our first-day teaching. With that, we were dismissed. 

-

As we all parted ways felt it would be a safe time to explore and find the dining hall. I had been so wrapped up in all the excitement that I had forgotten to eat. To finally be alone and strolling through the grounds was just what I needed to clear my head. Going right instead of left from the staircase down the hallway that brought me to a small courtyard. As I walked to the edge I assumed I'd find the cliffside but instead there was a small and unassuming graveyard. I took note of it, wishing to visit at a different time. 

Hedges lined the path as I continued. I passed another building I hadn’t seen, those dressed similarly to Alois lingered outside chatting and gesturing animated. For a moment I crossed the archway and was shaded, only to appear on the other side at another hedge-lined path, though to the right was an open gate. Where I glimpsed a gazebo with a few students sitting. The path soon turned into the soft earth, the unmistakable smell of hay and horses filled my senses. Some of the steeds were getting new horseshoes or being brushed. 

The path curved sharply to the right, This seemed to be a path against the outer wall. Not many people walked this path it seemed. Though I did pass a few stray cats who gave me a curious look. With another right, I was at the small market place outside the entrance hall. It seemed to be busy with traveling nobles from the Empire. Seeing the same guard who had welcomed us yesterday I asked him, “Sorry to bother, but where is the dining hall?” He beamed at me, “Up the stairs and to the left!” 

Perhaps it was being outside I felt grateful but also ashamed. What had I done to deserve this? Was it really purely luck? How was I make sense of it? I was distracted as I got in line for food. Once I was handed my meal I was amazed by not only the size but the presentation. It looked beautiful. A roasted golden brown skin on some kind of poultry, with dark purple sauce. A small side of vegetables and rice that looked incredibly fresh. Tearing my eyes from my meal I glanced about looking for a place to sit and enjoy my food. Surprising to me was a friendly hand wave. Claude beckoned me closer. For a moment I thought I could pretend I hadn’t seen him, but as I stood there staring at him I was certain he would know it was intentional. And I did not wish to hurt his feelings as in his eyes this was probably a kindness. I placed my tray down across from him and for a moment I saw a flicker of relief in his expression. As I began to slowly eat my meal.

“Busy day today? I feel like each time I see you you’re completely zoned out. Maybe everything going on up there is more interesting than what’s going on here.” I blinked at him in confusion, “I suppose it has been busy. I’m sorry if I am distracted.” He waved off my explanation, “I take it you can’t tell me what houses each of the professors chose. So I won’t bother with that. There’s something else I’d rather talk about anyway. When we were walking back to the monastery you said some things that piqued my interest. Care to indulge my curiosity?” He punctuated his question with a wink. Which immediately made me avert my eyes. Did he not realize that’s how people flirt? If only I was tricky. I could dodge his question. Instead, I put down my utensils, and meekly nodded. He continued happily, “I’ll get right to the point then! What’s Abyss? And why aren’t you suppose to talk about it with people from the, what did you call it, ‘surface’?” I gave out a sigh, “Abyss is a city below Garreg Mach. The Church allows us to live there as long as we don’t meddle with the surface. Most people there have nowhere else to go.” His mouth hung open slightly in surprise before he grinned, “A city below the monastery! That’s fascinating. I’d love to see it. I bet there’s a lot of things there the Church would rather keep away from the public eye.” I shook my head vigorously, “Please, don’t go down there. They aren’t very fond of strangers poking around. It’s a dangerous place to go uninvited.” His expression faltered for a moment before he slipped back into his easy smile, “Then I won’t be uninvited, I’ll have you to show me around. Keep me safe and all that.” 

I wasn’t sure if saying no to him was going to result in a better outcome. Balthus was looking for someone with his last name. It would be better if I was there to at least warn Claude and shield him in some way. If he went alone I couldn’t insure his safety. I nodded cautiously in agreement, “When I’m allowed to go back, I’ll bring you.” I hadn’t seen his earnest excitement until now. Eyes bright and mischievous he beamed, “Thanks, that was a lot easier than I expected. It’s almost disappointing you didn’t put up a fight. I’ll leave you to enjoy your food. Next time I see you I’ll have more questions.” As he stood up to leave, it didn’t escape my notice that many of the people stared at him. Not in the way they looked to Edelgard or Dimitri; Reverence, respect, awe. Claude seemed to inspire looks of suspicion and mistrust. Even as he gave me a friendly wave goodbye from across the dining hall. The few people who were still here eating a late lunch glared and whispered. 

I continued to nibble on my food as I thought. This was much more volume than I was used to and the flavors were so rich that I had to eat slowly. By the time I was full, I hadn’t even eaten half of my plate. Thankfully I did not have to waste my food as Raphael was kind enough to stop by my table and eye my food. So I asked if he would like it and he happily took it. 

Walking back to the dorms I wished to return to my room and start reading the books I had been given. Now that I was more alert with food in my stomach I noticed some things that had slipped my attention. I had not realized students stared at me. Though not how they had unkind looks for Claude. It was a confused curiosity. Though not completely friendly as if I were walking on a thin line that I did not wish to slip off of.

-

Closing the door behind me I sighed with relief. Glancing the books sat where I left them on the dresser. Even if tomorrow would not be an intense day, as Jeralt had informed me it was mostly going to be about assessing everyone’s strengths and weaknesses. I did not wish to get behind on my reading. Before sitting at my desk I paused a moment, remembering I had not yet prayed since coming here. Guilt reared its head as I did not wish to put it off until I was too exhausted. Kneeling next to my bed I smoothed out my new skirt. Retrieving my necklace I clasped it in my hands and bowed my head.

"Dear Goddess who watches from heavenly stars. Who guards her children with care, I surrender to you. Thank you for this opportunity to follow in your design. I ask for your guidance. If it is your will that I am here, then I beg of you to show me why. I am not worthy of such mercy. You have seen my sins, and yet I stand among those descended from your heroes of legend. Goddess, I am lost, walking among the dirty dark streets I knew my worth. Here within your bright light, I fear I will burn. My purpose is gone, now that I walk the halls with those with much more power than I could ever want. I do not know how to feel Goddess, how to think, I can not want. Please give me a clear road, a map, a sign."

She never answered me. I never expected her too. I called into the emptiness and the only thing that come back was my own voice. Shameful it was that whenever I prayed alone I cried.


	7. Those Who Carry Matches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aurora and Jeralt's first day of teaching has come. Aurora slowly is getting to know the students of the blue lions and some talk that follows certain members. Also, she fights Felix for fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey sorry, this one took so long! I was out of town and as you can see this chapter is quite a bit larger than past ones! Sorry if you've been waiting! This chapter will have people being rude about Dedue. Also sorry about mistakes I know there are probably a lot I didn't catch. Thank you!

A scream. And with it all memory of the dream I had vanished. Truthfully I was more grateful when I couldn’t remember the strange and nonsensical things that happened in my sleep. Panic at the unfamiliar room and darkness caused me to shoot up in my bed. With the snap of my fingers, a small flame illuminated my quarters. The books with sheets of parchment sticking out of them at awkward angles I used to keep my place. I stared at the candle on my desk unlit, this place was devoid of personal belongings but I remembered I was safe at the dorms of the Officers Academy. Today would be the first day, and I had probably stayed up too late worrying, which had caused my nightmare. 

A soft knock on my door drew me closer to consciousness. Flipping my covers away I walked towards the door and called out, “Hello?” A deep voice replied hushed, “Are you okay?” Opening the door I could see the tall figure of Dedue. I had met him only yesterday and he had not spoken much to me. All I knew was that he was Dimitri’s retainer. I bowed, “I’m sorry for waking you.” He gave me a worried look, “You’re not hurt are you?” I shook my head, “I’m alright. I had a particularly bad dream is all.” His stern look softened slightly, “I see. Is there anything I can do?” I paused a moment. Usually, when I awoke from a nightmare I was alone. Offering a tired smile I replied, “No that’s alright, thank you. I think just getting out of bed and answering the door has helped.” He nodded and headed back towards his room. I realized he was my neighbor, and I felt guilty for disturbing him but grateful he had come to check on me. I would have to properly thank him. 

I wondered why he was awake and dressed so early. Perhaps he was nervous as well. Hints of sunrise were showing in the sky. Though it was still dark I could see the beginnings of blue seeping through. I decided I would start the day early, not wanting to go back into that space of mind. Dressing took some time but I felt more confident that I was getting the hang of all my layers. 

The empty notebook that sat on the desk was for my own personal use. At first, I had wondered what I should use it for but it came to me. I should write notes of things I did not wish to forget. Flipping to the second page, leaving the first blank I wrote:  
Get Ashe and Dedue a gift for their kindness. Ask what they would like. 

I hadn’t really been a gift-giving person before, as I didn’t really have money. Knowing I’d be paid by the Church had me feeling generous. They had both been selfless in their actions so far and in part of the book I read about nobility and manners was that getting someone a thoughtful gift was a way to show appreciation. I knew I struggled with expressing myself with words so perhaps a small token of gratitude would be better. 

Leaving my things on the dresser for easy pick up after breakfast, and after checking my appearance I left my room. I took in the sight of the morning, the sky was a fresh light blue, as students began to walk about the monastery. I headed towards the dining hall, though I wasn’t particularly hungry I was informed I was allowed to eat all my meals there. 

After getting my breakfast I looked for a place to sit. The atmosphere was filled with excitement and happy chatter everybody was in good spirits for the start of classes. Glancing about I saw many of the students I had met yesterday. Claude had a tired smile as he seemed in a disagreeable conversation with Lorenz. That particular young noble I did not wish to get any more acquainted with at the moment. Edelgard was speaking to her retainer. Who had acted polite yet unmistakably sinister when he thanked Jeralt and I. Something about the way he looked at me was deeply unsettling. Turning away from Hubert’s gaze I saw Dedue again as he was seated across from Dimitri. 

I looked too Dedue, but as soon as his eyes met mine he looked away. Dimitri gave me a courteous smile and tilted his head, questioning if I was going to accompany them. I cautiously approached and bowed my head, “Dedue, I hope it is alright for me to sit with you. I hope I haven’t hurt you in some way.” Dimitri looked between the two of us as if completely caught off guard. Dedue’s eyes went wide and he shook his head, “You have not offended me. Please sit.” Nodding I sat next to Dimitri, immediately worrying if that was disrespectful. Though on the contrary, he looked pleased to have me choose their table. Dedue leaned forward slightly, “I am not upset, though you do not seem to know that spending time with me will worsen your reputation.” I blinked at him, “I don’t understand.” He shared a look with Dimitri that I could not decipher. I continued nervously, “I was wondering what I could get you as a token of friendship. I am sorry if I am misunderstanding the situation, I am only just learning my manners. And I wished to show my appreciation for your concern.” Dedue’s ears reddened slightly as he shook his head, “Thank you, but that is not necessary.” Dimitri chimed in, “He is as modest as he is stubborn.”

I gave a bow of my head in acknowledgment and began to slowly eat my meal. Toast, meat, and eggs, which seemed too heavy for a meal so early in the morning. Dimitri turned and asked aloud, “I know we are supposed to be informed of who our professors will be once we arrive in class. But do you happen to know which house Jeralt and you will be teaching?” I nodded but didn’t speak. He regarded me politely and continued, “I see, well regardless of where you’re assigned, you are always welcome to sit with Dedue and I.” I couldn’t help but smile, though it was out of the duel feelings of confusion and thankfulness. 

After swallowing I attempted to show gratitude, “That is too kind of you. Though I should practice proper behavior before I’m in your company outside of class.” That made his eyebrows furrow, “What makes you say that? You’re not rude at all. In fact, your way of speaking is more formal than most others here. Please I encourage everyone to speak freely around me. I hope I have not done anything to give you the impression you should treat me so formally.” Dedue tilted his head towards us as his eyes flickering between. I lifted my hands, “Oh no nothing like that. I just don’t wish to be disrespectful, and I’m afraid I am a bit out of my depth.” 

Sitting next to someone and talking to them was quite uncomfortable, as we had both turned to angle our bodies now towards each other. His knees were much too close to mine for comfort. And I was nervous to hold eye contact with someone like him, but I also didn’t want to offend him. Goddess, didn’t he find it tiring to always be staring at someone’s eyes? I suppose it’s what he was trained to do. It was considered polite to look at someone who was talking, especially if you wished to convey that you were listening to them. 

He smiled at me, “Ah I understand. Well, you are doing an excellent job. But please don’t worry about treating me with too much familiarity, I am merely a student here. In fact, I should be the one treating you with more deference.” I shook my head, “Oh no that’s alright. Please don’t, I don’t know how to deal with such treatment.” His bangs swayed as he moved his head, “I’m sure the Archbishop wouldn’t appoint you to such a position without faith in your abilities. Naturally with such skill and title comes respect.” 

With a blank nod, my eyes unfocused as I replied, “I suppose so.” I wasn’t about to try and convince him I was unqualified. And he didn’t see how his own argument could be used against him. I’m sure he meant it as a reassuring gesture but I felt as if a hole opened up below me and I was falling. Faith was nothing when I had proven nothing, done nothing. I landed into the dark waters of guilt. Here everyone seemed to have this unrelenting belief in me. And there was nothing I could do to convince them otherwise than to imply they were fools. Drowning. All their kindness was just proof I didn’t belong here. They didn’t realize what I was. 

“Is it not to your liking?” Dedue’s baritone drew me out of my mind, “You have barely touched your food.” I forced out a laugh, “Ah I’m sorry. Seems I’m nervous about today.” Dedue looked like he didn’t quite believe me but didn’t push it. Dimitri wore a concerned expression.

I managed a few more bites of my food before it was too much and dismissed myself. To leave for my room to collect my things before class. After which I met Jeralt in the stairway. He looked over me and asked, “Nervous?” To which I could only nod.

-

As soon as the door opened the chatter stopped. All the students turned to see which Professor was their homeroom teacher. I walked a few paces behind Jeralt, clutching my books, and parchment to my chest in an attempt to hide my shaking. The drumming in my ears was enough to make my head spin. I resolved myself to making a good impression on the Blue Lions. Jeralt got to the chalkboard and wrote his name to complete silence. None of the students had a full grasp on his personality having only met him for a brief moment yesterday. 

“Write your name to kid.” I politely bowed my head and wrote my new awkward formal title. ‘Miss Aurora’ He turned to face the class and cleared his throat, “Alright Lions, I know we all met briefly before but I’ll reintroduce myself. I am Jeralt Eisner. Don’t call me Professor. As I am sure you are all aware, I was called the Blade Breaker, I trained mercenaries. And before that I was Captain of the Knight of Seiros. That is to say, I expect you all to push yourselves and train hard. I do not accept slackers. I get that I am not the most pleasant person to speak with, which is why Miss Wallflower is here.” As he gestured to me I straightened my posture. “She’s here to help with the... personal touch. And although she is young, you are to treat her with the same respect you treat any Professor at this Academy. If I catch any of you acting inappropriately with my assistant there will be consequences.” 

Jeralt’s eyes burrowed into Sylvain as he paused for me to introduce myself. Dryly gulping I tried to remember what I had written. Only for it all to immediately be forgotten. As all eyes were on me I spoke distressingly more timid than I intended, “Thank you. You may all call me Miss Aurora. I am looking forward to getting to know you all over this year. I hope we can all grow and learn from our time together.” Some of their attention hung on me as Jeralt continued, “My office is on the second floor above the reception hall. Right next to the Infirmary. You can visit me on weekdays before the evening bell. Any questions?” 

Dimitri looked eager as he raised his hand. Jeralt gestured to him, “Dimitri right?” Though it didn’t seem to bother the Prince to be regarded by only his name Ingrid furrowed her brow slightly. With a nod, the Dimitri asked, “What should we expect from your class? Do you prefer lectures, in-class discussion-“ Jeralt cut him off, “Ah right, so I’ll be teaching with practical application. Though you will be tested on strategy and planning. And if you’re really dying for practice in something I have no knowledge in, I’m sure my assistant can help.” I know he was trying to instill me with confidence, but I felt the complete opposite. 

“Speaking of, we have only four days in class to prepare ourselves to face the other two houses. Meet me in training grounds and let's see what each of you are capable of.” Jarelt’s suggestion seemed to excite most of the class. He didn’t wait for anyone as he walked out of the room leaving me behind. I could hear the students chatter among themselves as if I wasn’t there, or perhaps they didn’t might my presence. 

The small redhead girl Annette furrowed her brows, “He doesn’t want us to call him Professor? That doesn’t seem right.” Dimitri pushed in his chair and sighed, “I’ll admit it doesn’t sit well with me either.” Sylvain interlaced his fingers behind his side-swept red hair, “But we don’t want to offend him, and besides he said it’s okay. Shouldn’t that be enough?” Ingrid shook her head, “I’m not sure I can manage. The way he has no regard for His Highness…” As they headed out through the door I could hear Dimitri begin to insist it did not bother him as the rest of the class followed behind. 

My attention was drawn to the scowling young man who waited at the open door. I had briefly spoken to him yesterday but had only exchanged names. His eyes narrowed as he spoke, “Aren’t you coming?” I quickened my pace to meet him and he walked in step with me silently as we took up the back of the group. I could see he carried a sword at his side. He spoke rather bluntly, “Dimitri said you’re quite skilled, and he doesn’t just say things like that.” I shifted the notebook I was carrying in my arms and looked towards him, “I’ve heard you are as well.” He glanced toward me with a hint of a smile, “I look forward to fighting you, and beating you.” I couldn’t tell if this was banter or he was completely serious. Yuri would often say such things in an attempt to goad someone into making a mistake, but I had never encountered someone like Felix. There was no light-hearted air in his tone. Lifting my eyebrows I replied neutrally, “I suppose we will see.” 

A sparing match sounded like exactly what I was craving. To fight without fear of death and for honing of skill was one of my favorite things. It was not the athleticism or mastery that excited me. Exercise for its own sake was quite tedious and my mind was bored. In a spar, my mind was focused and sharp. It was one of the few places I lost myself and yet felt completely in control. No thoughts plagued my mind. I merely took in every action of my opponent and adjusted. I never let myself feel confident or cocky in a fight, that was a sure-fire way to lose. But the prospect of seeing where he stood and who could teach who was enough for me to look forward to it. 

-

Once we reached the training grounds I did not even wait for permission. Figuring Jeralt could do as he wished without me. Tying my hair behind my head I grabbed a trained sword, spinning it in my hand to test the balance. Immediately I locked eyes with Felix and he followed suit. The other students seemed to understand and move out of our way. Jeralt looked on amused he shouted, “Seems we have two eager volunteers. Show them why you’re here kid!” I drew my sword and took my stance, one arm behind my back the other bent to hold the sword. Already drowning out the surroundings. 

He used two hands for grip which meant, if he was practiced I’d have to watch for the backswing. If not it was an easy weakness to exploit. I had the advantage of speed, he of power, and closer range. Felix charged forward closing the distance and setting the pace. So his tactic was aggression. I sidestepped his first strike. If he were a bandit I could easily have killed him. I tapped him with my dull blade. If this were a spar for technique practice that would be the end of it and we would reset, but he pushed forward. I hadn’t even needed to parry his blow. His recovery was quick with a surprisingly powerful backswing. Stepping back I brought my blade down and pushed his momentum back towards the ground. 

I couldn’t tell if he was attempting to show off. His swings were easy to predict and he had not yet learned to bluff. To dodge an attack instead of using one's sword to parry was often seen as disrespectful. You had to have a good read on who you were fighting, trusting yourself not to move until the last moment, so they could not readjust their attack. 

Finally, he slowed and took a step back to recenter, but now it was my turn to push. Even as he brought his sword to guard I twisted my blade around his and held the tip between his eyes, a killing blow. I circled around him. Twirling my blade behind my back to taunt. He when for another powerful strike that I saw coming. In dodging the ark of his downward swing he didn’t give me time to bring my sword forward. Using his momentum to strike from the right. Ducking my head I was happy to take the opportunity to slash his sword hand and close in. Slapping against the side of his chest. Two more points in my favor. 

We moved back towards the center circling each other. He stared intently at me full of fury and anticipation. Now that he had slowed down our blades clashed a few times. He could counter if he was less impatient. Once I lulled him back into feeling comfortable he went for another powerful blow, only for me to lower under the swing and hit his legs. He cried out in frustration. Then he attacked rather recklessly. Using the longswords close range advantage against me his thrusts grew too close for comfort. Moving my blade away from the front I telegraphed an easy opening, hoping he would take the bait. Wishing to gain a point on me he thrust forward towards my chest I counter thrust holding his sword back at the hilt and sidestepped away. Giving me time to push and hold my sword at the side of his neck. 

If he could be taught to be more deliberate he had the potential to be a deadly swordsman. He started again even as we both were panting. I would make this his last swing. He had to learn he could not beat me with such blind aggression. As if desperate he raised the sword above his head, even though I could have struck his belly I waited. Sidestepping his strike I watched as the sword met the ground and I grabbed his shoulder to hold his sword arm down I swept my leg behind his and pushed. Knocking him off his feet. He fell backward, covering the back of his pants in the dirt. 

Jeralt approached and spoke loudly enough for all to hear, “I think that’s enough.” Hoping I hadn’t just made an enemy I reach my hand out to him. He took it and I pulled him up onto his feet. Now that he wasn’t attacking me he actually smiled at me, “You didn’t disappoint.” I wiped the sweat from my brow and returned the smile, “I’m glad.”

I sat on the low wall where the other students were and Jeralt motioned to Dimitri, “You and-“ He gazed at each face until his met Sylvain’s, “You can hold a spear right?” They both hoped off the wall and towards the center, each taking a training lance and taking a position. Sylvain chuckled nervously, “Putting me up against His Highness doesn’t seem fair.” Jeralt shook his head, “Unfortunately, I don’t care. Get to it.” 

With a warm smile Mercedes drifted in our direction and leaned towards Felix, “You didn’t get hurt did you? If so, I can patch you up right away.” He brushed her off with a huff, “I’m fine.” Mercedes didn’t seem to take offense and then turned to me, “I would offer you the same, but I don’t think Felix struck you once.” Her expression and cheery tone hid just how cheeky her statement was. I couldn’t help but stifle a laugh. I centered my attention back towards the spar between Dimitri and Sylvain. 

It was easy to read that the Prince was the superior combatant. Though Sylvain could at least hold his own against the relentless slew of blows. My eyes drifted towards the students who were watching across from us. They were technically in the Blue Lions as well, but they were of lower status and had a different home professor. They were minor nobility or gentry and weren’t excepted to be future rulers. If what was as it said in my book were true, this distinction was made because royalty and high nobility had different educational needs. Though a statement like that only gave me more causes for doubt than reassurance. 

I found my eyes drawn to the handful of girls who had gathered to watch, whispering, and giggling at the two young men. I couldn’t tell if it was arrogance or obliviousness that Dimitri seemed too invested in his fight to even notice their presence. Sylvain on the other hand ate it up. Taking any chance to wink and blow a kiss at the group. Which would cause them to squeal with delight at his attention. I could feel myself growing embarrassed. Even as I wasn’t involved such blatant flirting hurt like looking directly into the sun. 

Jeralt scowled at the redhead as they continued. Dimitri seemed confident in his victory and attempted banter, “Sylvain, your defenses are wide open. Are you even trying to win? A victory is much less fulfilling when your opponent makes no effort.” Sylvain grunted a reply as he shielded himself, “There are more important things than winning. Like making a good impression, your Highness.” Gesturing with his head towards the group. Immediately the Prince’s demeanor changed, he nodded his head in acknowledgment though his smile was strained. Perhaps I should give Sylvain more credit as it was a good tactic to throw his opponent off balance. Even slightly shaken Dimitri easily disarmed his companion. 

“Don’t let all that princely polish fool you,” I turned back to Felix as he darkly glared at Dimitri, “He’ll chew you up and spit you out.” This was the first I had heard anyone speak of him in anything but neutrality or praise. The complete opposite was jarring, but I had seen him fight those bandits. It wasn’t completely unbelievable. I did wonder what Felix knew, or why he was telling me. The contempt that dripped from him had me thinking that this wasn’t merely jealously. I tried to read his face but he obviously wore his scowl as a defense and I couldn’t see past it.

Jeralt called the fight and summoned Dedue and Ingrid to spar. Gesturing for me to come to him, I quickly hopped off the wall and walked over. Jeralt pointed towards the targets against the back of the building, “Bring one of those over, I want to see how good our archer and our mage’s aim is.” Giving him a nod I circled around behind the group still watching though now their attention was spent talking among themselves.

“I knew the Gautier heir was handsome, but no one said he would be so charming.” Another chimed in, “The Prince seemed so friendly when I saw him in the courtyard, but he just ignored us.” The girl sighed with a pout, “And he’s always around that man from Duscur. So it’s not like it’s easy to go up and talk to him.” Duscur, I had heard that name before but I could not recall what that was or why I remembered it. I could only guess they were speaking of Dedue because he was almost always at Dimitri’s side. I bent down to grab the main support leg of the target. “Why does he always follow the Prince around? Didn’t his kind kill the King?” The girls started to lower their voices, “Perhaps it’s blackmail.” A panicked need to leave grew as I tried to lift it. Though it wasn’t heavy it was taller than me so I struggled as it almost collapsed on me. Suddenly the girls stopped talking and before I could turn to see why I felt the weight in my arms lift. 

“Here, let me assist you.” Dimitri looked as if it was effortless for him to carry such a thing. I blinked up at him, my mouth slightly open and I hoped he hadn’t heard their conversation. His smile reassured me somewhat, “I apologize I did not mean to startle you. I thought perhaps I could be of use.” I bowed my head slightly, “Oh, thank you.” Though they hadn’t noticed me previously now the girls stared at me with unsavory expressions. I hoped that in showing proper respect to the Prince it would make them dismiss me. I did not wish to be their next topic of discussion. 

It only took a few moments for us to be back and setting up the target away from the center. I could see Jeralt take his eyes off the two sparring and move to us. Something in his expression made me want to shrink. Once we finished Dimitri rubbed his gauntlets together to rid them of any dust and looked to me. I wasn’t sure if he expected me to say anything so all I did was tilt my head asking a silent question. Clearing his throat he offered, “I must say your technique is quite impressive. I didn’t have the chance to fully appreciate it when we were in the heat of battle. And although I myself am not as skilled as you are, I count swordplay as one of my specialties and I would be happy to spar. Of course only if that is acceptable to you.” 

I wasn’t completely sure why he was so self-effacing. Each time we attempted to speak to each other it felt as if we kept attempting to lower ourselves. I knew why I did so, too offend royalty could get me killed. But he always responded as if he needed to be more deferential. He either didn’t understand the effect his title had, or he was attempting to correct it and I was somehow thwarting his efforts. It was frankly not a good combination. I worried if I did not correct this in some way we could not have an honest conversation. Which would be required for our relationship as House Leader and Assistant Professor. Seeing I was technically his teacher I convinced myself to lead by example despite the rising dread I felt. 

“It is more than acceptable and I appreciate the offer. I always look forward to fighting a skilled opponent. Though perhaps not today, seeing as I still have much to do.” As we walked back towards the class he beamed, “Ah yes, I did not intend to imply we do so today. Whenever you have the time don’t hesitate to call upon me. It wouldn’t hurt to get some extra training in before our first mission.” I nodded and could feel the looks of the girls still burrowing into the back on my head. 

Having been completely distracted I haven’t taken in the sparing match at all. Ingrid who had seemed a reserved but confident young woman was quite furious with her attacks, though Dedue’s defense seemed unbreakable. There was a surprising about of rage behind her eyes. Jeralt called it off, resulting in a tie between them. She obviously regarded Dedue with venom as she turned away without ending their match in a friendly manner. 

What had Dedue done that made him not only spoken ill of by strangers but also treated with disrespect by a classmate? Something about it did not sit right with me. As Ashe and Annette got ready to show their aim Jeralt motioned for me again, “You said you knew some magic?” I nodded and he gestured towards the target. 

Closing my eyes I envisioned the spell runes in my mind. The symbol of blood, the sign of life or death. The symbol of the moon, thrive in the darkness. The nightshade flower, deadly beauty. In my mind I recited the prayer:  
The Goddess that forever lives in Heaven and Fódlan. Watching over us, Mother of all living beings grant me your power.

Out of the tips of my fingers, I summoned forth raw magic that shifted into another form. That of an arrow, though it looked as if made of braided twigs, dripping with a dark purple liquid. It shot forth towards the target the instant it finished materializing. Fluttering my eyes open to see my aim. It wasn’t quite a bullseye but if they were human it would have done the job. Annette lit up and clapped excitedly, “I’ve never seen a spell like that! Where did you learn that?” I blinked at her surprised, “I read how to channel magic in a book and this is the first thing I could summon successfully.” Her eyes widened, “You mean to say you wrote this spell?” I shook my head unsure of how to answer. It didn’t feel like I had invented it, it must have existed as the runes had been in the book. 

Jeralt took her enthusiasm and directed it towards the target, “Alright Annette, now show us what you’ve got.” She concentrated keeping her eyes locked on the bullseye and whipped her hand towards it. Following her arc was a pulse of wind. The Lions happily clapped for her as the target cracked in half. 

Ashe took up his place and the day went by surprisingly quickly. For all the anxiety I had felt the Blue Lions were all energized in show their skills. As I was running out of steam I could only put my focus in so many places, and I found Dimitri eager to pick up anything I let slip from my mind. I suppose as House Leader he would be doing so for Jeralt if I hadn’t been there. 

-

Once everyone was thoroughly tired we returned to the classroom. It was almost time for the school day to end. Jeralt directed me to write on the chalkboard the strengths and weaknesses of each student as he spoke, “For our first mission it is required we send our House Leader, so can only send three other students. As for the professor position, I can send myself or Miss Aurora. Now tomorrow we will start class with a discussion of how to best cover our bases. I want you all to come tomorrow with a basic team built and strategy to explain why you’ve picked your combination. If you have any questions, come speak to me in my office, class dismissed.” 

Immediately the chatter started back up as Jeralt approached me uncharacteristically quiet, “I already have a plan for what team to send if none of them come up with a better one. But I want you to know it includes you, I’m redundant thanks to Dimitri. And I need to know you’re up to the challenge before I offer your services.” Numb with panic I was nodding in agreement before I could even stop to fully consider the question. He grinned at me, “Great! And uh can you set up this before you go.” Gesturing towards his desk I could see a folded map, along with little tokens and things. A battle map presumably for tomorrow. Silently I nodded again. His expression grew sheepish as he rubbed the back of his head, “Thanks, I really need a drink after all this.” 

Students started to file out of the room Felix and Sylvain walked alongside Ingrid who wondered aloud, “What do you think they are serving in the dining hall?” Felix gave an amused huff, “Food is all you care about.” I could only hear Sylvain’s laughter as their voices faded beyond the walls.

Annette bounced up towards her friend, “Oh Mercy! I wanted to stop by the library and ask Tomas about that spell. Do you want to come with me?” Mercedes replied, “Sure thing!” They continued their conversation as they walked. 

As Ashe packed up his things I recalled that I hadn’t seen him interacting that much with his classmates. Unlike everyone else, he didn’t seem to know anyone before attending the academy. He glanced up for a moment as if wondering if he should say goodbye. So I gave him a wave and polite smile, which seemed to alleviate some of his discomforts. He spoke with a bright grin, “See you tomorrow then!” I nodded silently as my reply. With that, he headed towards the open door hesitating for a moment, “Um Your Highness, Dedue, are you also going to the dining hall? I assume you’re pretty famished after a day like today.” I admired Ashe’s causal bravery. Dedue looked to Dimitri. 

I pretended I couldn’t hear any of this as I rolled out the heavy parchment that was the map. Dimitri shook his head, “If you would take Dedue with you, Ashe I’d greatly appreciate it. I’m afraid I still have some matters to attend to but he won’t eat unless I accompany him.” Dedue looked slightly concerned, “Your Highness, I wish to ensure you are healthy. If anything I do is dissatisfactory please do not hesitate to let me know.” I could hear a slight strain in Dimitri’s voice as he replied, “Nothing of the sort, I just wish that you remember I am a grown man and I don’t need such supervision. Please go.” Ashe waited awkwardly as Dedue paused, as if he was about to protest, but didn’t. 

I could hear Ashe attempt to make conversation with the stoic vassal as they exited, but I could not understand them past the blood pounding in my head. Though I knew there was no way the Prince would do me harm I still felt my hand drift towards the hilt of my sword. Resting it there as if ready to use if the situation called for it. It was never safe to be alone with someone, no matter how noble. Men had cornered me before, spoke vile things to me, or tried to touch me. I hated myself in that moment. I could guess he had never seen anything like the squalid streets of Abyss. He had no basis for understanding my experience. I was just some dirty urchin out of line and out of place. Whatever life was like for him in the royal castle was just as foreign to me, as my life would be to him. But old habits die hard I suppose. 

His eyes fell to my hand as he stepped towards me. Though he kept a comfortable distance. I stared forward attempting to look unfazed as I counted out each token which would represent a student. He cleared his throat before speaking, “Ah pardon my interruption, I saw you were given the task of setting up for tomorrow and I thought I could be of some assistance. If you aren’t experienced in such things I’d be happy to help.” Part of me was offended that he assumed I didn’t know what I was doing, but it quickly faded as he said it without any of the judgment that usually came with such a statement. It was oddly devoid of any malicious intent. I looked up towards him and he seemed genuinely wishing to be useful. Perhaps he found my silence uncomfortable because he continued explaining himself, “And it is as Ashe said you must be hungry. You barely ate anything today and I would hate for you to miss a meal.” 

I blinked as I processed his words. It couldn’t hurt to accept this help right? If he was offering. Even though I felt uneasy I could grow to trust him, and it would require work but it was doable. Yuri had been quite difficult and yet he was the person I relied on most before I left Abyss. I gave a nod to Dimitri. He smiled with relief and moved to stand across from me at the table.


End file.
